HOW NOT TO OUT A CLOSETED GAY FRIEND

Well, well, well, hello again my dear lonely but beautiful expectators of mine… I don’t need to apologize to you this time for leaving you almost a week… I have my reasons and I don’t want to tell you…

Anyway the past days as I gathered and collected experiences to be chronicled in this very popular blog of mine, I come to a very interesting observation to people and friends alike surrounding my beautiful, well landscaped and manicured life of mine. I’ve noticed this during parties and dinners that I’ve attended last week.

I am guilty as judged by the jury when I see myself to someone who in some way Is very much like me. I used to despise homophobes and I hate them, these must be because I used to fight for Gay rights in my own little way like doing campaign materials for Task Force Pride in the Philippines. I used to say blatant words against homophobes which I believe is a defense mechanism of what they are, I used to looked at things one side and never bothered to look what’s the other side of this poor little creatures. I never bothered to know how insecure and afraid they are of themselves to the point of putting these frustrations to other very secured and out homosexuals. And I’m so guilty of being so judgemental about it, But now I think I grow up a little bit in terms of my outlook to life. I’ve learned to understand a lot of things about this people, from where they come from, how they grow up, they’re beliefs, cultures and traditions which affect they’re outlook in life and as an individual itself. Sigh … in fact I hope I can help them…

What I noticed contrary to general beliefs that heterosexuals specially men don’t like a lot of gay men, but honestly with my experience with hete men--- I never had bad experience with them in fact they love you more if your honest and just be yourself, All of my friends during college are straight and goodlooking, except the two of them are out now. The more secure a man about his sexuality the more he is accepting to others, I have a very good straight friend, He used to live with me in my beautiful villa and we found a very wonderful friendship out of pure, fair, platonic, love and respect to each other. Until now he is one of the many beautiful straight friends I had.

Anyway what I noticed is that when homosexuals socialize with their homosexual, bisexual, transgendered friends, and most of all the closeted queens and princesses. One can feel the tension and one feels as if there are certain and precise rules to follow. Rules to dominate, rules to put things in the open, rules to show –off, rules to be in and involve, a lot of rules to the point that it becomes an arena of divas aiming for the ultimate goal of being the supreme or high priestesses of Divasism. Hay… ang mga Vaklah… talaga… vinavaklah ang lahat.

Its very lonely to see a very Out gay, making a closeted queen to come out from that musky little closet. It’s annoying, and embarrassing to see a very dominant faggot trying to taunt closeted princesses in they’re own little world. Its heart-wrenching to see these little princesses, wriggle, squiggle and cringe from the claws of the older Out faggots trying to put them out in the open. It’s like looking at helpless birds in a cage.

And am so guilty because I used to be one; and I don’t see the point why I have to continue doing that. Life for me now is about sharing love, respect and sensitivity towards others, I don’t want to be self-rigtheous, but the world is changing, the market is melting down along with the ice sheets in the artic pole and antartica; Now maybe is the time to look at myself of what I am… would I melt with the ice or stand up and plant a tree… whichever, life is getting shorter now.

Anyway, While there are a few social faux pas to avoid out of common courtesy, specially with our little world… homosexuals… really it's not so difficult to have a great time for all without stepping on any toes.

And with these our topic for today is…

How not to out a closeted gay friend


Erase… erase from your vocabulary the phrase “that’s so gay”. Whatever we approve or disapprove we always use that phrase, unknowingly insulting our shy and closeted friends. It makes them more afraid and uneasy specially when in a big group or in a dinner with friends.


Introduce… Introduce your gay friends by they’re name, not by label. Your gay friends are not some bunch of elements from the periodical table to be labeled. And again it makes our closeted babies afraid that they might be judge. Unlike me I liked to be judged in a beauty contest. Say “hoy friend ko si ramon,bading sya” or si john yung friend ko na tagong bading… say that many times and looked at yourself… you don’t deserve to be a social climber.


Avoid… in a dinner conversation or whatever function you’re into or with friends, Try not to tackle issues about sexuality not unless its relevant and you’re comfortable with your intimate friends. Just because we are gay, we should tackle everything in gay, nevertheless we already are gays and there’s no need to shout it out!!! Bakla ka na respetuhin mo naman self mo… hmmmp….


Know… “In knowing, comes wisdom”… Get to know your closeted friends beyond their fear and sexuality. Learn about their interests; share common hobbies and interests. Who knows maybe gradually he or she will open-up to you… like he might be asking you how to wash a bra… hehehehe…


Respect… that’s the most humblest and over-used word that we don’t practice. Just let them be, it’s they’re life and they have the right the way they want to live it. It’s our differences that makes us unique creatures; It’s our differences that make us human. But me I’m a claypot… tse!!! Double tse!!!


Treat… Treat your closeted gay friends exactly the same as you'd treat your other friends; and exactly you want to be treated by your friends. Remember carmi martin ( karma ) is just around the corner.


There you are my dear lonely but beautiful expectators of mine…

till then and be fabulous, gay and …. Whatever….

never ever correct my grammar and spelling
Mwahh…

HOW TO SHOP BUT NOT TO DROP

Well… well… well… there you are my lovely and beautiful expectators…

A beautiful kumare of mine Fuchsiaboy… “from fuchsia life of Fuchsiaboy”… Who is my most favorite fashion designer in our time… He is one responsible for my styling, grooming and pruning… he’s very expensive… you know… you have to save a lot of money to afford him… ( chingki lang mabait sya ) He ask me do some writings about something he loves so much… so here it goes…

My pension is coming by the 25th of every month ( my salary ) and I have already plans of what to do for it… of course… SHOPPING!!! Gush… what makes every social climber crumble is not to have money for shopping… SHOPPING… SHOPPING… SHOPPING!!!

Fasting is a very common word to us social climbers… ( Fasting hindi mo alam… yan yung di ka kumakain kasi sabi nang church ) … I can live with noodles, eggs, eggs, eggs and more eggs everyday just to have that new model of cellphone from sony-ericcson. I can even sell bar-b-que and lemonade ( samalamig ) just to buy the latest shoes from whatever new trends out there… I even sang on the streets of quiapo wearing thick sunglasses… ( chingki lang ) I even sold water in the train station of Bicol ( biro din lang ) hahahaha… Or sometimes sell myself to old lonely Japanese men like… hehehe… I don’t need to mention his name… all just for shopping.

…Well but that was before when am still studying Social Climbing 101… but now I’ve already learn how to control and discipline myself. And I learn my lessons well… E ikaw ba naman dumaan sa kahindik-hindik at kalunos-lunos na kahirapan matototo ka talaga. And I told myself never again will I make dildil with asin… gusto ko rin naman makatikim nang bacon noh!!! Chura… ayoko ko na nang maging mahirap… tinaga ko yan sa kawayang bakod nang aming kapitbahay noon… Noong palaging pansit pa ang pasalubong nang mudra sa amin nung akoý isang bebot pa lamang… sigh… memories is like a rain… you know… it falls when you’re wearing white pants…

So in these edition of my famous blog. I will teach you how to shop… but not to drop.

How to shop but not to drop

List what you want… or think of what you really need, For me I usually check what’s new from my friend and if I know they have it… I will buy more than they have… my friend once bought a satellite disk… I buy too and make it double. But that was before, now what I do is do some window shopping first before I buy anything… then when the money comes I will buy it… and be sure that’s all you need and don’t forget to wear thick sunglasses when you plan to go the shopping mall… para yan di mo makikita ang ibang mga magagandang bagay.

Ask people where to buy… Here in Cambodia, since they don’t have a lot of shopping malls I usually ask people where to buy these and that, and for more effect go alone don’t tag anyone they just end up messing with your decisions… Chura pag magdala ka nang kasama mapapabili ka nang marami at parang maraming kang konsensya na umaaligid sa iyo... ayoko nang ganun.

Think of your budget… Kung bente lang dala mo at ang bagay na bibilhin mo ay bente singko umuwi ka na lang at mag – fried rice… sasaya pa ang buhay mo.

Think about quality over quantity… Me before, I usually buy a lot of cheap appliances but after three or four months they’re broken… That is why I buy more quality appliances now. But these is only exclusive to gadgets, appliances and technologies with clothes you can always opt for more cheaper things… nasa pagdadala lang yan… pag mukha ka talagang tukmol at gusgusin kahit e-christian dior ka pa or e-gucci ka pa mukha ka paring tukmol… hmmp… kaya bili ka lang nang naayun sa iyong kagandahan… Leveling ang tawag dyan.

Compare… Yes… these one usually applies to groceries and house needs… like kung panghugas lang naman nang plato gumamit ka na lang nang cheaper na dishwashing liquid katulad nung ke kuya germs na minomodel, Gayahin mo ang rules ni Lumen… si lumen na maaibilidad kung kumare… at ang kanyang oak-oak na nanay… Compare mo rin minsan ang laki nang talong sa ibang talong sa grocery sasaya ka kasi kahit papano nakamura ka nang isang piso lamang.

Stop… yes… just stop and go away when you see a big SALE sign… and run away as fast as you can … kasi ako minsan hindi ako nagstop ayun broke ako for one month at balik na naman ako sa pa-itlog-itlog… Kakahiya… sheet ganda nang shades ko pero noodles lang pala laman nang tiyan ko…

well... its always feels good to shop... but responsibly again....

So there you are my students and pupils… prepare for another exam next week . I’ll be on break for 3 and a half days… I need to be somewhere near the water and white sands…

Anyway… have a beautiful and sunshineful of life you my beloved expectators… mwahhh...

HOW TO CHAT WITH FAMOUS PERSONALITIES

Well… well… well… as promised my dear students am putting on more yaw-yaw lately because as you can see a lot of things had passed on me since that two weeks that am gone and shied away from the paparazzi… and now am back…

Well a lot of detractors of mine stabbed my back and its bleeding literally Ive got 12 stitches, maybe because they are afraid that I might stay on the top of the chart forever… but I don’t mine as long as I didn’t do bad things to them… don’t hate me because I have the fighting spirit… I might be stricta but am a very wonderful, nice, good but a strange little creature… My former other husband ( I don’t mention his name) called me an abomination… and I answered him… Excuse me darling am not a yeti… ( snowman )

I laughed when someone thought that am a real personality and I said am just a pigment of my imagination… hahahahaha… color violet… so funny… And someone also ask me if my pictures are photoshopped… and I said NO!!!! its not… hahahaha… its photoshop… god I should not be drinking too much coke in the morning it makes me more Jon-jon, you know… makes me more bangag and crazier.

Well our topic for today is about chatting to a famous personality as you can see I forgot to tell all of you that I had a wonderful night with Miss Judy Ann Santos… as you can see I’m always been a great admirer of Juday next to Sharon… I grew up watching their wonderful and gay-changing movies…

Juday is a very sweet, down to earth creature like me, and she’s very human too and wonderful… She looks the same from the Movie… Juday is beautiful inside out… Trust me… One can tell if he or she is good a person… Judy ann is a good person and I like her… God am still blushing when I see her in her room in Intercontinental Hotel. It was raining when I got to the hotel and am soaking wet ( pack sheet ) when I get to her room with my other friends who were there already. We had a little pajama party during that night last month and I just got my photo with her last two days ago… that is why I write about this just today… and to the request of my other wonderful friends that I should upload the picture when she’s back in the Philippines already… I respect her privacy…

God am still starstrucked… That is why our topic for today is…

How to chat with famous personality

Be yourself… I know its awkward when you meet the person you always admired and seen on screen… and it becomes more awkward when they feel awkward also to you. And to avoid that just be yourself and relax… start a conversation like asking about the movies or whatever they do… pwera lang ang tsismis… they don’t like that… They live their whole life with gossip so spare them that…

Don’t ask personal question… I know one is very curious about the life of a star. But that’s not enough reason to ask them about they’re personal life. Tsaka teka lang di pa kayo close no para magtanong nang ganoon… chura… bumili na lang kayo nang dayamons sa ako…

Never ever please them… Like in the movie “stardust” by niel gaiman and charles vess… Stars are human too, they don’t need to be pleased ( but not all, me I need to be pleased ), I believe that some of them just want to live a normal and private lives. But these does’nt mean that you have to be overly natural and brash with them… still you need to have that grace and respect for them as what a true social climbers do. Tsaka di pa nga kayo close noh!!!

Be hilarious and witty… nothing beats a funny and witty characters, Breaking the ice takes guts and good timing to make these people notice and somehow in a bit like you. Think of a topic, something that he or she might be interested… for me we talked about independent films and her independent movie “Ploning” whom she produced and work with his childhood friend… the talk is quite hilarious and funny.

Behave but enjoy… say honestly what you feel for him or her… Like admiring her eyes… or whatever… just as long na hindi ka mag-mukhang fans… You be hilarious and witty at the same but not so loud… Ako sumigaw ako nung Makita sya…. Hahahahaha… lumalabas talaga ang pagiging taga-leyte ko… sorry di ko matiis eh…


Well that’s all for now my audience and expectators… I hope you have learned a lot of lessons from these koro-koro….

My gratitude to Miss Santos for letting me in, in the hotel… and to the guards of intercon who let me get in the elevator despite the paparrazzi… to the busboy who usher me that long hallway… and to janitor who lead me to the Comfort room… I thank you… thank you…

HOW TO WARD OFF NEGATIVE SPIRITS IN YOUR HOUSE

Well… well… well… because your beloved bubbles was gone for a while… I decided to be diligent in putting more blogs to this week edition of “Miss Bubbles Cojuanco’s Practical guide to social climbing 101; not one but twice or three times a week I will entertain you my beloved audience and expectators. As you can see starting November until the end of late January I am always busy with lots of events, functions and charities to attend, not to mention the guest appearances on TVs and Cameo roles in movies. Sigh… its really lonely up here.

Last 2 weeks ago before the week of water festival. I organized a big party for my new friend Gustave whom specially requested me to have my famous Squid Adobo… But because I’m always over-reacting so I made different kind of adobo instead… from pork, chicken to kangkong… but of course my Lumpia also was there… And I cook special chicken in a clay pot --- a local way of cooking whole chicken ( which my former husband teach me ).

The party was very beautiful I have lots of guests and appearances from my beloved fans and expectators. Friends and enemies come together in a one big happy affair, from north to south from end to end and everyone had a good time. The party lasted until 4 o’çlock in the morning of November 7, 2008… But I cannot show the photos for reasons that some of my big guests don’t want to be put in blog… and I so respect they’re privates that is why I opted not show the photos.

Of course you would be asking why the title; and what’s the big clamor on Negative spirits… well to begin with, my house has a ghost… yes a ghost… literally a young lady I guess… I never meet her but I felt her presence and I see her sometimes in my dreams, Two or some of my friends also felt her presence… She is not violent but she’s the jealous type. If someone she like or don’t like at my place she makes them feel her… But so far-away I never felt violated by my house spirit and so far away too I guess she’s the reason why am lucky… I felt so lucky in my apartment which I lived for 2 and half years now… but am not talking about her…

Am talking about negative elements, thoughts, people and feeling that surrounds you, be it outside with your friends, At work with your bosses or at home with the wind and empty hallways. As you can see I’ve been stressed out and exhausted with these Negative things that’s been thrown at me to the point of abusing my sunny, positive and bubbling desposition ( tama ba ang spelling ko ) and its not helping me. Its like a stubborn stain suddenly pops-up in my white lingerie ( hindi sya tagos by the way ) basta yan ang drama ko last two weeks ago, but now I’ve already conquered it and come up with these practical tips that might help you too my diligent pupils… so our topic for today is…


How to ward off negative spirits in your house


Open the windows… Opening windows and doors make the house vigorated and breathe. Logically aerodynamics helps wards off bad odors, old feelings and old air which I believe is a manifestation of negative energies that accumulated through time. It also freshens’ your space and makes you breathe new air. Changing fresh curtains will help too. In relationships it’s the possibilities of letting go of old loads and welcoming new fresh hopes from other positive energies.

Clean dusty corners… I believe dusty corners are meant for dark deeds. So before these dark deeds piles up, wipe it clean. Logically dark, dusty and moist areas are breeding grounds for dangerous bacterias and germs according to my conscience. In relationships
Its like cleaning old bad habits which die hard, As what they say, “there’s no other way to get rid of a mess but by cleaning it.”

Discard old stuffs… Discarding old stuff means unloading your accumulated small things which don’t really have a purpose in your life… and beside its nice looking at stuff that are nicely arranged and clean. In relationships its about letting go of things that you thought you dearly loved… but once its gone it feels better and more light… I believe in the saying… “Out of sight, Out of mind “… that’s very true to me.

Put on plants and leaves… Leaves and green things makes a house lovely, fresh and put more oxygen in your carbonated life… It also provides home to some small positive spirits… But in relationships its about rooting your ground to what you believe and renewing or updating of what you’re going to believe… because leaves are green and has chlorophyll which I believe is the essence and color of hope… yes chlorophyll…

Make a small ritual… Put on some ritual for cleansing and say a little prayer. For me I use “ensenso” and go around the house while mumbling some positive thoughts, I also boil lemons and let the steam evaporate throughout the whole house ( it smell nice ). You can use anything that involves fire and smoke... ( wag lang chongki dude!!! ) be it candles to insence stick, others offer food, salt and rice grains. In relationships putting on a ritual is about acceptance for letting go of the negative energies that make your life a little bit miserable and hope for better and positive things to come.

Throw a party… Yes!!! just throw a party and be fabulous. In relationships its about the Wisdom, happiness and growth that you experience in dealing with things which we thought at first as small negative energies and accumulated into a big Negative energy.

As what my mother Mia Farrow said… “With Knowledge comes responsibility”…


Well… well… well… there you are my pupils… I hope these insights will make you study more for the final exam by december...

HOW TO JUDGE A WATER FESTIVAL QUEEN

God!!! my apologees my beloved audience and expectators… I know… I know… I know its been a week am gone and not seen by lots of paparazzis and such…

Well… well… well… as you can see the whole of Cambodia is celebrating the annual water festival… The people of my kingdom celebrates the turning of tide of the four face river where it exactly match the full moon of November, these phenomenon only uniquely happens in these side of indochina. As usual they celebrate it with dragonboat race and lots of fireworks, drinking for three days, and for the first time they have a float parade which I find not so interesting but with lot of rooms for improvements but in over all total effect the finished product of the event is quite beautiful and lovely. But nevertheless I’m too busy having a nervous breakdown that’s why I just have myself a vodka tonic in the rooftop of my secret….

But what’s more beautiful is that I’m a judge for the Annual Miss Water Festival in Phnom Penh. God you miss half of your life because you’re not in the scene during that night when all the most scariest and beautiful creatures of the night haunts the street of Phnom Penh.

Late afternoon of November 13, 2008, I went to Blue Chilli where the prestigious and most glamorous event of the year happened. I braved the traffic and the sea of people that scattered all over Phnom penh but eventually arrive in blue chilli with minor scratches inspite with the presence of my bodyguards. Anyway I arrived in the venue only to see a half finished stage and workers blowing balloons and the event would be starting in three hours. Miss Universe was there and Miss world also, so what I did is direct everyone and start to blow balloons too… Miss Universe got the saw and cut some of the nakausling mga kawayan… and Miss World starts to make connection with wire and bulbs, speakers and everything then bwala we have lights and sound system too. Anyway the stage looks great its more like of a town stage now unlike before we make magic to it; It looks like a barangay stage.

Then we change costume and mock-up…God!!! I love it… I love it… I love it!!! My vintage cocktail dress is very beautiful and my hair… yes my hair its fabiolous I look like Amy Austria in “Bubbles.”


So the event started at exactly 10:00 pm with 12 contestants from all over Phnom penh.
And my ordeal began… and with that our topic for today is…

How to judge a Water Festival Queen


Buy or Donate the Trophy… To be a judged ask the organizer if they have a trophy or sash, or flower already and if they don’t have offer yourself… and with that surely you will be the head judge… and boss around bwahahahaha… Sorry to the Host of the night… bwahahaha…

Put on the right outfit… Of course as a judge you should look like rich and very accomplished matriarch with fake diamonds and everything, My theme during that night is 60’s bitches so I garb on these very montage ensemble from toul tom pong market; The purpose of these is to make you look more authorative and respectful… hahahaha… respect daw?

Put on the right Hairdo and accessories… These will make you more respectful and classy… hahahahaha… respect daw?

Prepare a good question… Its very important to have your question in line with the theme or everything, its weird to have a question like out of the line question. But then again that’s with how you ask the question again by making it funny or more enteristing.

Bring a Calculator… as for me who is so very bobo and slow in mathematics, I bring calculator not only for judging but also for calculating the utang of your kumares who are visible during that event.

Be gracious… Say thank you to everyone and surely you’ll end up more than the winner of the pageant…

So well... well... well... there you are my audience and expectators, I need to make go to the grocery pa, am preparing something for someone that don’t exist… my imaginary boyfriend…

MWAHHHH!!!!!

ay check nyo pala ang full coverage nang event na eto... sosyalan etoh... at queer cambodia.

HOW TO BE MISS TABLE MANNERS 2008

Well… well… well… good days my audience and spectators… and congratulations to the new president of America… and to his wife that we all admired dearly… I have to be friend with her one of these days.

Anyway, I have to tell you this, I finally met my social neighbor Ms. Gush whom I never talked for almost one year and a half. And surprisingly he is the most gracious and well-mannered sosyal neighbor of mine… Our meeting I felt was meant to be and it was so very funny and cute how we had the chance to finally talked to each other… and oh god I felt so silly you know how we really want to be friends or much as good neighbor. And she loves Christmas so much… that were planning to join our Christmas party by December.

I know her the moment I saw her moving to the upper villa that sits on top of my villa. And I’m so very depressed when she got it because Mr. Trey my landlord promised me to have that villa… but anyway its such a long story if I have to tell you everything… We just have to talk about how we finally met each other.

Of course knowing me and knowing you… I was on Blue Chilli when I sat next to her which I did’nt realize that it was her. But out of graciousness even if I felt shy and awkward I make bati to her… and I said HI… for the first time… and after that its like were catching on --- on whatever we missed after that one and half year of silence and snobbings. And It was really wonderful when the ice is broken… it becomes warm but not too cosy enough… I love the situation so much that in fact the next day we both cook soup and invite each other… yeah I know its very cute… by the way he’s also a chef… surprisingly…

And with that we shared and talked a lot of stuff. we felt we are like schoolgirls on a pajama party, we even talked about wines and table manners…

And with that our topic for today is…

How to be Miss Table Manners 2008

Dining or eating is a ritual, it is an everyday ritual that needs to be exercised with grace and style. As you can see… “You are how you eat”… intiendes… as oppose to “You are what you eat” but anyway one can tell what person is by the way he eats…

Use the napkin… it’s placed there to be used … Ilagay eto sa iyong harapan… put it in your lap… These putting of napkin on your lap is a signal to the waiters that your seat is occupied giving them accurate count of meals to be served. Wag na wag mong gamiting pampunas nang mukha… and never ever put dirty silverware on the tablecloth.

Pass items around the table… Wag na wag ipasa sa harapan. Like for example when one ask you about the fishsauce; pass it to the one sitting next to you… everything that one ask from you should not be passed across the table, it should be passed around the table… For reasons that I don’t know… ewan ko ba?

Eat on the left; drink on the right… God know how basic and logical is these. Glasses should be on your right and every other stuff should be on the left… Pero I know mahirap eto para sa mga kalawite… but of course wala akong pakialam. The rule is never ever use your finger in anything these is really very true when you are in very formal dinner.

Use each fork beginning from the outside… I know in social gathering there are lots of forks on the table… when you see a lot of those stuff always begin from the outside fork then to the inside. Just follow the course set to you and you’ll never get wrong. Pero sa atin deadma kasi di naman uso ang maraming kubyertos but anyway for your education etoh…

Start eating when everyone is served… Of course everyone knows about these already… liban na lang kung patay gutom ka…

Never ever talk when your mouth is full… for reasons na alam mo na… pag-masarap no talk… hehehehe… let your tongue do the talking.

Never ever put food items outside your plate… put everything on your plate according to the course that’s been served to you. If you want to put butter on your bread do it on your plate, in the olden times you’re not even allowed to touch it, you use your knife and fork for it. In oriental dining a smaller bowl is set for rice so use the smaller bowl for your rice.

When finished leave the silverware in 4óclock position… With the handles of the silverware pointing to 4óclock position these indicate that you are already finished. So don’t be surprised when the waiter get your plate… me kilala akong nagugulat na lang bakit nawala ang plate nya... of course if you're not finished yet dont do the 4oclock position.

So when you are in invited to a very formal dinner at least you know what to do... these is proven and tested guidelines for centuries already... hahahahahhaha...

Okay there you are my students and pupils… Finish or not finish pass your paper!!!

and who told you to mind my grammars... nek... nek... nyo!!!

HOW NOT TO BE A CHARLATAN

Well… well… well… there you are my students and pupils section seven… Today I feel like am teaching… Even if I’m like these I also know how to read books and or pretend to read books. But mostly when I was very young I love reading komiks and magazine… from “liwayway”, “funny komiks” to “wakasan” or even “shocker“, Unlike my friends who read archie or betty and veronica. I just can’t afford it and I don’t have time comprehending the lifestyle of America during that time; all I want is just plain Filipino pop literature… huh!!! Can’t believe am that nationalistic.

Yeah, I know you would ask me what is “charlatan”. Me, of course I don’t know I just happen to come across this word in the book am reading now “Embers”by Sandor Marai, which I bought from a second hand bookstores. I did’nt finished reading the book yet but I’m on the part where the general is going to meet his closest friend whom he never seen for forty-one years. But anyway am not a reviewer of anything, am just a social climber.

Okay let’s go back to the word “CHARLATAN” pronounced as “Shaaar – loh – ton” okay repeat after me “Shaaar – loh – ton” yeah that’s right… big check for everyone… As you can see… I browse lately on my old Merriam dictionary the word “charlatan”… and ganito yun…

Charlatan – A charlatan is a person who makes elaborate, fraudulent, and often voluble claims to skill or knowledge; a quack or fraud; One making usually showy pretenses to knowledge or ability.

Unlike the pretenders who are a singing group that make good music…hehehehe… joke lang follow naman kayo… No the pretenders are the one who really pretends that he do this or he do that just to be in, and they really make you believe… for example… “Oh I’ve been shuttling to the United States every now and then to visit my mom”… even if its not true and they often deny about it when they are found out that its not true because they don’t know what’s real and true to them anymore… anyway were not talking about pretenders here… so we go back to the bat cave and start talking about charlatans… Charlatans are closer to the pretenders but usually in the knowledge and IQ side of pretending.

So our topic for today is …

How not to be a Charlatan

Never ever copy… Copying a statement and making it your statement is a big crime for social climbers, social climbers are spontaneous ( huh! Tama ako sa spelling ). Beautiful people like me make statements that are honestly derive from their own experiences may it be funny or not… honest mistake and statements always comes from an honest reaction to a certain situation… huh!!! Taray straight ang English ko.

Never ever claim… When you hear something funny or a cute situations you heard from a friend or even read about. Don’t go around claiming that it happened to you. I know a lot of these. Like for example… I call all white people as “Americano” because when I was young and living in the countryside that’s what we call them, then when am in the city and started to be a city girl people find it funny when I say it, until one day someone also copy that..

Never ever pretend… pretending is a big no no to social climbers, they want the real thing, charlatans just copy the social climbers… social climbers are not freeloaders they also have money, it’s the social status that they’re vying for. Social climbers are not pretenders, pretenders is much worse than a social climbers… like for example when someone ask you, where you graduated?… tell them the truth… Just because you studied in a not so very popular school you have to cover it up with your beautiful highschool diploma… which by the way is not beautiful… hmmmp… tsura mo…

Don’t be shy about your past… Its your past that makes you who you are today… Am not shy about how I made my way up here… am a graduate social climber you know… I made my fucking ass… up here… huh!!! ( its not me its my conscience )

Opppsss sorry I get carried away… well as for now I’m quite tired for bubbling like a blue marlin tuna…

Well… well… well… there you go my spectators and audience…

Our next topic is about table manners… until then… mwahhhhh!!!

Prepare for a quiz!!!

HOW TO BE A GOOD EX-WIFE

Well, well, well… my apologies and sorries for keeping you waiting for so long… I mean its been like a week that I never entertain you my beloved expectators and audiences…

As you can see, I’ve been very busy again for these past few days, I’ve been into a lot of things you just don’t want to know. I mean last week I supposedly have a benefit show for the freedom of animals that’s been keep in the cages for people to eat; But that did’nt push through because my ex-husband has his new house blessed last Friday night… and he begged me to be on the dinner and party… yes begged me… that’s the beauty of a good housewife… ex-husband can’t just ditch you…

Its been a while that I never talked to my ex-husband since the divorce six month ago. He’s very busy with his new house and I’m very busy with my social climbing affairs. Mr. K and me lived together for only six months because I’m very complicated but good, errisistable and loving , huh!!! ( I know I’m still capable of loving I’m not a mineral formation ) But nevertheless I was there when he shop for furniture and appliances all for him.

So last Friday late afternoon I gathered my friends in a tuk-tuk ( equivalent to trycicle in the Philippines ) because as you can see I don’t have my husband to drive me around but nevertheless he picked up me and everyone in his black new lexus. Wearing only chanel perfume I went to the party of course with my entourage.

The party is huge its like 30 big round tables and the guest are like so very so… so… anyway lets not talk about it. The menu is good and delicious. For two and half years now that I’m living here in Cambodia I learn to love the Khmer food.

During the course of the dinner I watched Mr. K from afar and smiled to myself. Mr. K is a very simple, caring , rich man but we just cannot be together for reasons that he’s too very simple for me… though he’s rich… and with that I felt suddenly so felt depressed and ask myself why there are things that just doesn’t work out even if it look and feels like its meant to be…

That is why our topic for today is…

How to be a good ex-wife….

Complete yourself alone… being sure of who or what you are is a very big factor in every relationship. It’s a rock n roll cliché for god sake watch jerry mcguire. Being complete is like full bodied milk but be careful with the melamine.

Open your cellphone… Communication in these new generation is very easy, though its sometimes very difficult to talk to x- cessess but at least the means to communicate is there already, we don’t live like “the notebook” that it takes generations to wait for a single letter. Communication is not that easy when you are not complete so refer again to the above.

Be supportive… even if he is not that supportive, its what we called civilities and graceciousness… again the old cliché if you’re thrown with a stone, throw back a bigger stone… hehehehe... of course love is not an issue here anymore its always been there. For me in support with Mr. K I helped him chose the color of the paint of the house, in chosing good furnitures, I even get to the point of loving his new neighbors as a gracious ex-wife.

Be a friend… I know… I know… its difficult to be-friend with x-cess but then again in the end of the day it does’nt really matter what happened as long as its clear to you about everything and your relationship with him. Even if you kick him out. And also keep something that’s good for blackmail… hehehehe… but I don’t do that…


Well… well… well… there you go my expectators and audience. Till tomorrow and beyond… Ms. Cojuanco is a friend even to a fault… HUH!!!!

Hey don’t correct my grammar and spelling… have a nice day beautiful people….