HOW TO WARM A HOUSE

Well… well… well… there you are my wide eyed, noisy and stubborn pupils of mine. Today I woke up dazed and felt that my brain is shrinking to peanut size, I can hear it bouncing on my hollow skull. I’m taking a massive doze of pain reliever because my “Gouty Arthritis of the Toe” is attacking me since last week and it was worse last night. It feels like I’m floating on air. So I want everyone to behave today as you can see my stick don’t forgive anyone… not like this when my left foot is aching badly… okay intiendes por kemi el ninos la ninas iportate bien!!! Hmmmp…

Anyway as my Saturday is busy so is my Sunday. Last Sunday I went to Miss Grace’s new apartment which is close to that beautiful Villa Lanca’. But before that I was having breakfast with Shun, He let me taste his Japanese thing which taste good. Shun surprisingly is sweet and nice though I can sense that he’s afraid of me. I don’t know why, I don’t eat human beings I only love them, you know… must be my one-line eyebrows.

After the breakfast, donned in a fake D&G grey “pekpek” shorts and Guy Laroche orange polo shirt I’d proceeded to Miss Grace’s place in my wagon (tuktuk), Bringing with me a slightly large barbeque grill and large plastic container of “Adobong Pusit”. The tuktuk driver kept looking at me wondering if I’m a woman or a man… sigh poor creature he didn’t see my hairy legs. Anyway I arrived at her apartment around 10:30 AM, God her place is beautiful, I’m suddenly became insecure. Hmmmp… I used to be on top in terms of apartments among the expats in Riverorchid, Then Ms. Frida came and my position is pushed to second level scale, then Ms. Earth and now Miss Grace… sigh… I’ve got to do something about these before I get to fifth place. I envied them the fact that they got all that huge flat screen TVs on their living rooms… I have to tell my landlord I need a flat screen TV, mine is like so 10 years ago… sigh. That’s the problem with social climbing sometimes its hard keeping up with the latest things… I feel like Nova Villa in “Abangan ang susunod na kabanata…” I missed that show.

Anyways the apartment is beautiful, the bed has canopy (shit). She had that beautiful orange lamp hanging in the middle of the room. I’m achingly green with envy, the only saving factor I had that day is my orange shirt which matches her lamp. I get to her house just in time she finishes her shower. We prepared the fish for grilling. She chopped the onions and tomatoes to be stuffed on the four big tilapias. I prepared the charcoal for grilling. She cooked the rice and set the table as I start to grill the hotdogs and the fishes which are packed in aluminum foil and BWALA we’re ready for a House Warming party.

Then Miss Frida and Miss Earth arrived with their cooking which is “Adobo sa Puti” and "Ensalada". Then Mr. Magno arrived with a bible in hand, he just came from the church. Miss Arwen with all the drinks arrived and then Ms. Deborah with her Leche Flan and Maja Blanca. And the revelry started. The food are fantastic, we had the hotdogs affixed on a pineapple reminiscent of birthday parties in our hometown. Some late guests came and Miss Romina Cuervo came late with the same orange colored shirt like mine… Hmmpp… She strongly arrived (malakas ang dating) as if a whirlwind. She’s always like that spying on what I’m wearing. Miss Cuervo is my friend cum rival in everything. From men to clothing, I’d never seen her for a long time after that incident with her churva and friend or whatevah, a few months earlier.

We finished the festivity with a dessert and watched T2, which I taught is a long TV commercial for an iced tea. As you know Cambodia don’t have cinema for foreign films, they only show local produced movies and some Indochinese movies. They have malls but to the level of our old malls. But of course pirated dvd’s are in abundance so we are still updated in movies around the world. I know it’s wrong but we don’t have a choice, do we? Surprisingly the movie is quite good, Maricel Soriano is really good in everything. T2 feels like a Japanese horror, I love the fact that they lessen the musical score but focus more on the script which is very natural and sometimes funny.

Well, now my left foot is aching… I need to teach you now the “art of house warming” before I bore you death with my yawyaws. Before, I taught you the art of warding off negative energy of your house now it’s all about warming it up. Okay homosexuals from the back stop criticizing me, I can hear it. Copy everything from the board.

How to warm a house

Do that ritual thing… I’ve learn this from my Mudra, wither you’re religious or not it helps to warm a house before dwelling on it. Put a sprinkle of salt in any entrance of your house, these according to superstition would ward off negative energy from your house. Here in Cambodia they put that little house outside of their home to the belief that some spirit would dwell on it rather on their houses. Sometimes they throw rice on the windows during the morning to appease good luck.

Put water outside… this is to the belief that bad luck would be suck in by the water instead of your house. At the same time it also looks nice, here they usually have that clay pot full of water in front of the main door and they float flowers on it.

Put on incense… the smoke symbolizes the warmth that would bring good fortune to your house aside the fact that it make the house smells good… choose the flowery scent as it is more conducive for relaxing.

Clean everything… Clean every nook and corner of your new house, the reason for this is to make you familiarize every area of your house, while at the same time cleaning it.

Check the doors… for locks and everything, check also if you had a fire exit and if you don’t have be aware of where to go in case of emergencies.

Lastly celebrate with a pot luck party… aside the fact that it’s practical, it also symbolizes “one’s luck or chance as to what may be in the pot.”


Okay my little dummies that’s it for today and have a happy weekend. I’m going to take a moment of rest now as my Rayuma is aching badly now…

Ngut-ngut man oy… agoy…agoy…agoy…