HOW TO FEEL LIKE A SALTED DRIED FISH

Well… well… well… there you are my bayotiful, glowing and gregarious pupils of mine... Today the weather is fine according to the water level of my mammary glands… Its kin’da heavy you know. I don’t feel like someone today so I made tuna salad sandwich for my breakfast and a pan-boiled coffee as you know that “Marla” my coffeemaker is broken. I don’t have the time to replace her as she is of great sentimental value to me. She’d witness a lot of mornings and mourning’s with me.

Anyways finally Shun moved in to my place last Saturday, He seems fine to me I hope it would remain the same until his sixth month on my apartment. He only had a big luggage and a big hotdog pillow. Thanks God Mr. Trey fixed that broken pipe already. And I love the fact that he seldom cooks as he said, but he promised me to teach me how to cook a perfect Miso soup.

The weekend that just passed is quite busy for me. Last Saturday the whole of the Filipino Mafia went to an excursion, yeah excursion that event we always look forward to when we are in our Elementary days. It was fun and a lovely Saturday. It’s like summer you know, as you can see the climate here in Indochina is quite erratic like my behavior. It rains a lot but at the same time it’s so hot… We should texted God to stop the climate change, we spoiled earthlings… sigh…sigh…sigh…

Me, Miss Earth, Miss Grace, Mr. Magno, Miss Deborah, Miss Arwen and Miss Frida went to Villa Lanca’, It’s that beautiful villa near the Wat Lanca’ and actually a stone throw from Miss Grace new apartment. Villa Lanca’ is beautiful. The structure is a fusion of French colonial villa with modern touches of Khmer architecture, which by the way is also fabulous specially the tiled roofs. The pool is saltwater as they say but I jokingly tease them that it’s just the sweat from all the swimmers that is why the water in the pool is salty. The pool is surrounded with big trees which reminded me of trees hanging over a river where you can climb and jump on the water. Villa Lanca’ is a boutique hotel with spa and restaurant on the side.

Anyways the food is great specially the dessert – “Hot chocolate fudge cake with vanilla ice cream” on the side, God it’s the second thing to die for to think that it looks like a “whammos”; I was slurping the last sticky nectar of the white ice-cream when two not three beautiful guys came in with bulging ligaments. All of us quickly transferred to another table closer to the pool and in front of the men with ligamental thing but they seems not to noticed us. Then Miss Deborah put on her black swimming trunks and Miss Frida with her boxer type black and red trunks, and me with my grandmother’s boxers. The water is cool and yeah salty but not too salty. Then we swam to the deeper area of the pool and perked on the edge as we sang a chorus from “The Sound of Music”. It feels like we are the other sisters of Uriel… but still the ligamental guys never ever give a budge on us, so a couple more dive and frolicking in the cool water the three divas went away.

Our next stop is the “Spa Bliss”. Miss Frida already had a reservation for us, but this time it’s only me, Miss Deborah, Miss Earth and Miss Frida. Spa Bliss as always is nice. I like the simple Moorish design of the structure though a little bit small but still it looks and feels nice. They had a shop outside for clothes made from good cotton. In the back is the steam room which overlooks to a small dipping pool and in the second floor were the treatment rooms.

Growing up not rich… Spa’s for me is a luxury in fact this is my fourth time to be on a spa… aside the fact that I frequent some cheap foot massage hahahaha. Anyway so we were ushered to the dipping pool and were served with “pandan tea” its refreshing. And then were given the menu to choose what treatment we like. I chose “Body Salt Glow” under the Body scrubs or exfoliations menu. Miss Frida had the “Lulur Body Blits” and deep tissue massage, as for Miss Deborah she had the “Honey & Sesame scrub”. For Miss Earth I think she also had the deep tissue massage… We wait for a couple of minutes and that’s it we were ushered to our rooms.

I grew up in the province all I know about body beautification is the “Lugod” that hard stone we use to scrub our body when we were young and the use of “Perla” soap and Dalacin C or Chin San Chu. And this is the first time also that a woman’s hand is touching me gush… I cringe to the thought that a lady would touch my lonely skin. But I don’t have a choice since Spa Bliss has only one masseur the rest are masseuse, and Miss Frida already booked him. But anyway I thought that would be bad for me but in the end it was good but still if it’s a man’s hand it’ll be better. As it’s quite new to me this kind of stuff… Here I had to explain to all of you my beautiful pupils specially the noisy group at the back and who were never been to Spa’s the common steps you have to do in a spa.

How to feel like a Salted Dried Fish.

Follow… the ushers who would lead you to a waiting area or whatever place they have for waiting. They usually give you refreshments but since I’m in Indochina they serve us tea.

Choose… they will give you the treatment menu and choose whatever you like from body massage to body wraps to facial to body scrubs and manicures. Don’t ever think that it’s a food menu though it looks and sounds the same.

Change… now this is the part I like so much when you were ask to wear a robe. It feels like I’m a queen. But of course you have to be totally naked underneath. I used to put on my underwear but they will ask you to take it off anyway. Don’t be shy.

Shower… actually this part is optional, usually after the massage you are not allowed to take shower not unless it’s hot shower. But since I’ve chosen the body scrub I showered to loosen up the dead skin cells or whatever “Leevahg” I had in my body’s crevasses.

Let their fingers do the talking… this is the part where they ask you to lie down and they would start to knead you like a dough or they start to scrub your body like a toilet bowl. As for me as I’ve chosen the “Body Salt Glow” gush I didn’t realize that the mineral salt they use is quite bigger than I thought. It’s feels like sand paper on my skin despite the fact that the salts are mixed with oil. I can hear it literally’ the scratching sound on my skin… I want to say stop! Stop! Stop! It felt like she’s peeling my skin with a peeler. I almost cried in pain but stopped when I hear Miss Deborah snored like a man. So I just watch Miss Deborah and try to concentrate on other things. However in a couple of minutes or two my skin’s nerve endings loosens up and the scrubbing started to feel nice… then I myself falls asleep and woke up feeling like a Salted Dried Fish.

Shower again… but this is only for those who chose the Body scrubs and Body wraps. This is to remove the mixture and residues out from your lonely skin. Surprisingly when I took my shower with Miss Deborah’s manly snore in the background, my skin feels like I was reborn again. It felt like I just came out from my mother’s womb. Gush I will do these again…

Okay there you go my pupils and beautiful student. This is for you who started to climb the social ladder, Spa is one of the requirements in stepping up with your social friends, at least you know what to do… or if you cannot afford it because it 22dollars in minimum at least you have something to say to your social climbing friends too.

Okay that’s it Pray for our Auntie Farrah Faucet after you prayed for our great grandmother Michael… Mwahhh take care you little devels… I know your talking about my grammar... hmmmp...

HOW TO BECOME A FOOD BULLY

Well… well… well… there you are my dead hungry, famished but still beautiful scholars of mine. Today is Thursday and I woke up with a hush puppy look… three not two bluish eye-bags hang droopily below my beautiful eyes. I didn’t sleep well last night as I was awakened by a loud hiss as if the earth farted. At 12:32 in the midnight the pipe on the other room’s bathroom exploded…

I don’t know what happened as I am busy having sex with Johnny Depp in my dreams before everything was ruined with that loud hiss. Agitated and still horny, I put on a pink flimsy nightgown and went to the other room’s bathroom to find the tubular thingy that is stuck to the water heater and the wall is spraying water. It feels like I’m Kate Winslet in Titanic. Instinctually I climb the maroon colored bathtub and level myself on the ledge to reach the broken tubular thing, I then started to fix it only to make it worse as the spray turns into a waterfall, instantly filling the bathtub below and wetting my aging horniness.

I watched in horror as the water overflows from the bathtub, I sat on the toilet bowl for a while watching the waterfall fills the tub, I tried to open the drainage but it don’t budge. There’s nothing I can do so I ran to my room and call on Mr. Trey my landlord, of course he didn’t answer. I went back to the toilet and watch helplessly at the pool of water. The sound of the falling water makes me catatonic, zombie like I started to shed my clothing and reach for the shower cream, I lit a Malboro and dip myself in the oh so cool water… I finished the cigarette watching the water falls on me. God… talking about a midnight bath. I sat on the bathtub for an hour feeling like a drama queen in a B movie, I throw the butt at the garbage bin and in a quick glance I saw the valve that would turn off half of the apartment’s water supply. With a major twist and turn of the valve I finally stop the apartment from sinking. Sigh me what a night.

Of course I went to the office late. I did my office morning ritual as usual, I get to make coffee and chat for a while with my officemates. You see, the funny thing about coexisting within any organization or office, people tend to form group which they unknowingly created. It must be because of same affinity to things. This is very evident with pinoy expats, I’m lucky as all my pinoy officemates here in Phnom Penh are very warm much the same with other pinoys outside. We sometimes have our moment but in the end the loyalty is always there which everyone are hoping so. But I’m generalizing here, I didn’t mention the others that I hate.

Well anyway homosexuals… Every morning in Riverorchid, the Filipino mafia* always asked each other what is your lunch? Did you cooked for lunch and what kind of food did you cook? And then during lunchtime we always brag of our food as we share amongst us. Then we compare who have the best food ever for the day… And judge or ask how to cook it. Among the categories we have collected so far includes “Best in tomato sauce” which refers to food that requires tomato enzyme, like Menudo, Afritada, or Kaldereta and I’m the reigning queen in that category but lately Mr. Magno is getting good, I’m threatened. “Best in Soy Sauce” is dominated by Ms. Frida as she is very good in her Adobos from chicken to pork, not to forget her Mushroom Pork in Hoysen sauce… But watch out for me because I’m second in that category for my Adobong Pusit. “Best in Fried thingy” like chicken, fish and everything you can fry is leaded by Mr. Magno and his rookie is Miss Grace because she’s good in fried rice. “Best in Boiling things” is Miss Earth as she is very good in her “Bulalo” which is oozing with bone-marrowness... Miss Earth is also reigning as “Best in Miscellaneous” for her “Ensaladas” and “Buttered gulays”. And lastly in the dessert category It’s Miss Deborah’s domain as she’s the only one who pack lunch with dessert, Her “Leche flan glazed with goya chocolate” is perfect and his “Maja Blanca” reminds me of fiesta… Again watch out for me as I’m good with “Biko”.

So far we only have one judge, Miss Arwen, with her impeccable taste and non-baised critic everyone is excited for the culmination on December before everyone goes for holiday. Well… well… well… but that is not our topic for today. Our topic for today is about food bullies in which I am one. Food Bully is the term I call to people who are always dead hungry (patay gutom) and always ask food from other people in the office.

Okay people from the back get your notebooks and copy everything from the board.

How to become a food bully

Ask everyone what they’ve got… In the morning when I go to the office I go around and ask everyone what food they have and make note of who are they and what’s on their snack bin. Lucky for me the locals like food so much just like pinoys.

Be aware of the time… by 10:00 am and 4:00 pm that’s the time when people start to go the backdoor and open their snacks. So better prepare yourself and ask food from everyone, like ‘Oh, you have a good thing there, I’ve never eaten that kind of food in my entire life, How does it taste? That line works for me… they gladly give it to me or at least had a bite.

Be on the lookout… sometimes there are unknown forces and surprise free meals like free pizza or mangos (locals love mango so much all year round). So be aware of that it doesn’t happen all the time. I know one person who is very good on these… he can smell a mango from the other room even if it’s locked.

Lastly share what you have… you see it’s a diplomacy thing, you should give back in return, and that is what it’s all about… it’s the true essence of sharing. It’s not about take and take you should also give and give…

Okay that’s it for today my pupils… I didn’t have the time to upload this entry last Friday since I’m on a shooting the whole day and until midnight. Then Michael Jackson died and I have to meditate, singing his song “Gone too soon”. Sigh poor Michael we never had the chance to have tea… May the king rest in peace. Okay pray… pray… pray…

*Filipino Mafia the term we jokingly refer to us pinoy expats here in Phnom Penh. This is because we are seven Filipino in Riverorchid not to mention the other pinoy expats in various branches of Riverorchid in Indochina.

HOW TO LIVE WITH A TAMAGOTCHI

Well… well… well… there you are my sweet, diligent and behave pupils of mine. Today I woke up with mutation in my eyes or “muta” in short. I feel like Japanese so I crawled out from my beautiful bed and walked geisha like to the fridge and look for something to eat, I found a three days old sugar-raised doughnut, it’s hard as wood so I made hot chocolate and dipped the hard bread with it and ate. I’ve read my horoscope, it warns me about not swimming in a shark infested waters… strange… I’m in a land-locked country.

Well, anyway I had the best weekend to date thanks to Ms. Frida for the good time and the wonderful dinner… and the unexpectedly wonderful massage I had last Saturday night. I enjoyed playing “Taboo” it’s good for titillating your already waning lust for life… charing… hahahahaha…

Two weeks ago my horoscope told me that a man with chinky eyes will come to me and change my life… huh… of course you know me I always believe in everything that would change my life. Anyway, the next day I received a call from Shun asking me a lot of stuff. It’s kind of strange for Shun, normally we just see each other during lunchtime at mother Helen but never bother to talk to each other. But this time he actually asked me to go out to Blue Chilli but I declined the moment he said that his taking someone with him… I don’t want to be the third wheel on the scene you know.

But in the end the strangeness finally reveals the truth. He wants to live with me; he wants to rent my other empty room. I don’t know how he knows that my empty room is available. Of course before I answered “I do” I go around researching about him. Shun is a pure breed Japanese with a beautiful “manga” eyes. He hails from Hokkaido and it’s his last two semester studying here in Cambodia before he heads back for Japan. I think his into Business Administration. I don’t know but he seems so mysterious to me and that maybe is the reason why I said “I do” (God I should really be taking that marshmallow test again which I always fail… I always say yes easily… sigh poor me) aside the fact that I needed the room to be rented for extra “lapad”.

He gets to know about my room maybe from mother Helen, He is a good person according to mother Helen which by the way won the “The most outstanding Filipino in Cambodia” presented to her by the Philippine Embassy here in Phnom Penh. I’m happy for her she really deserves it. Well, anyway… yeah I know people will say here I go again. But so far I have good intuition with this, I’m hoping. I know me and Miss Deborah didn’t fair well as housemates before but we’re already over with it. We’ve come to terms that Divas should never share a flat for it would be doomed. However I do have good housemates before that lasted for years specially the one in Teacher’s Village Q.C. and have good flat-mates here in Phnom Penh, I missed Kuky and Daniel as well.

Okay of course everyone remembers what a tamagochi is. It’s that handheld digital pet which was introduced to the world from Japan during 1996 and evolved until now. The word Tamagotchi is actually a portmanteau* meaning it’s a combination of a Japanese word “tamago” which means “egg” and the English word “watch” so it ends up to “tamagotch” but its awkward to listen so they put an “I” at the end to form the word “Tamagotchi”. But whatever is that meant to you, for me as a diva “Tamagochi” pertains to a “housemate” or to be precise a Japanese housemate.

Okay listen you dummies specially the one sitting at the back, get your pen and notebook and copy everything from the board… sigh… teaching is such a noble work… sigh…

How to live with a Tamagotchi

Prepare yourself… as an independent person living with someone is quite difficult. We with our mammalian brains are very territorial. This is very evident with our four footed cousins. So prepare yourself not to defend your territory but to open it up to someone. I know this well from past experiences.

Investigate… you don’t want to end up as another single white female, don’t you. So better to go around and ask people. Ask about his or her background from people who knew him. Ask the school, office, the restaurant he or she frequented. And finally interview him no matter how you can… don’t worry his doing the same thing for you.

Set the rules… This is quite easy because it’s your territory. Set all the rules you like as long as it’s humane, from the locking of the gate to accepting guests, to the division of basic utilities, water, electricity, gas, cables, and internet, and one more thing show him the picture of the person you don’t want to be invited or seen in your house.

Ask for documents… from passports to visa, school IDs, number of the office and give a copy to your landlord if you’re living in an apartment, give it to your lawyer if you own the place and if you don’t have a lawyer keep it.

Put in papers… again to make it official put it in word form or contract. This is the difference between a friend and a housemate because you can make it in papers. With friends it’s difficult because you have to consider a lot from the way you say it to the emotional baggage’s in the process and so on and so forth… yeah… yeah… you know what I mean.

Live normally… now that his living with you, don’t act like a controlling motherfucker or a bastard father you’ll end up cleaning his or her ass. You’re not his mother or father but his housemate. Just notice what you don’t like about him or her then in time you can tell them in a nice way.

Yes, I know what you’re thinking dummies. Don’t worry I used to live for seven years with five divas before… okay that’s it for today… don’t forget to feed your Tamagotchis.

*portmanteau is a word formed by blending sounds from two or more distinct words and combining their meaning like for example: the words “do + not” = don’t, A single word that represents the meaning of combined words…. O tandaan nyo yan ha…

HOW TO COOK BISTEK TAGALOG GALORE

Well… well… well… there you are my hungry, PG expectators and pupils of mine. Today I woke up thinking I’m a cook; well I do cook it’s my talent during beauty pageants, During the contest I do my cooking below the stage while the other contestant do their stuff… and when I’m done I’ve had my cooking distributed to the judges, sometimes they like it and sometime I won best in talent. Well anyways…

Oh my gush Mr. Magno stop speaking to me this morning because I didn’t answer his phone call last night, because I was fast asleep at 8:00 pm… which is not so very me. I was watching tombraider again while waiting for my dinner but instead I fall asleep in the process. I woke up at 3:00 am hungry, I’m dreaming of “Bistek tagalog”. I cannot sleep again so I wait for the long morning and found two miss calls in my cellphone from a number I don’t know so I just reply who are you? But it didn’t answer back so I cart-wheeled to the fridge and ate all the strawberry yogurt… I went back to my fabulous bed and slept again, I woke up late like 8:00am.
I went to my office and found these snobbish Mr. Magno not speaking to me. I opened my pc and check on my emails to find work in word form… so I closed my email and started to talked to that guy wearing a pink shirt and ask him why he’s so snobbish, he didn’t listen to me, I ask him a couple of times before I throw a big crumpled paper on his back. Then he finally replied to me wearily and asked why I didn’t answer his call, All he want to know is how to cook Bistek Tagalog? God I really had enough of breakdowns and dramas … gush… gush… gush... God I’m not that basic I swear…

I stared at him for like a million seconds and I started to feel something is changing inside of me, The colors of the morning seems darker, sparks of electricity swirls around my head, my pupils dilate and my fingers turn blue and I don’t know what that means but I know it’s not a good sign... but instead of exploding… I implode and go around the office mumbling and making “yawyaw” all over the place. Then I decided to have coffee… before I go back and work on a new storyboard for a phone company.


Fast forward to lunchtime, now I understand why he’s not talking to me, his lunch is “Bistek tagalog” but doesn’t taste like it… It taste like adobo… but in justiceness to him it taste good in fact I finished it all. Well because of that I will teach you how to cook “Bistek tagalog”(Filipino Beefsteak) you poor dummies of mine… Cooking Bistek tagalog is easy as memorizing all the prehistoric bones of a dinosaur. Okay get your pen and notebook and copy everything from the board.


How to cook Bistek Tagalog


¾ kilo of beef steaks

2 tablespoon of lemon juice or kalamansi or Krouch chima

5 tablespoon of expensive Kikoman soy sauce

3 cloves of garlic (crushed or sliced thinly)

1 thumb-size ginger (optional)

½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

½ cup white onion


4 tablespoon of cooking oil (if you feel like rich olive oil is good)


Using your expensive Messermeister knife slice the beefsteaks about 1/2 cm thick and marinate with lemon juice, garlic, soy sauce, a little bit of oil and pepper for about 30 minutes in an expensive glass or ceramic bowl. The reason for these is that when you marinate in plastic or metal container the acid of the lemon would react to the metal or plastic making the taste of your cooking slightly different.

Again using your expensive Messermeister knife slice the onion in rings and set aside.


Now make fire with your stove and put in your Bain Marie frying pan, make it a little bit hot before you put in the oil. When it’s fairly hot add the marinated beefsteak, cover and cook slowly until done.


When the liquid is almost gone and it smells good already increase the heat for a minute or two enough to make the steaks brown.


Add the onion rings and cook for another minute. Now serve it in an expensive corning ware platter including the oil and sauce.


There you go my obtuse, uncleverness and slowness students of mine… well as for Mr. Magno he fly to Vietnam today running away in shame from me…


Happy Independence Day!!!


Before I forget special mention to Oli goodluck there miss saigon…

we miss you… sigh… Tse… double tse…

HOW TO LISTEN TO GARBAGE

Well… well… well… there you are my bored, lonely and disoriented mammalian pupils of mine. Our lesson for today is about music.

My greatest love for blues is the high priestess Nina Simone, I felt for her. Though she is categorized as jazz singer still the feel of her songs are very blues. She is the only diva who would stop in the middle of her singing because she doesn’t feel like finishing it. I’ve come to know her from a far distant past when I used to work in an AM radio station (DWWW am 774 stereo) for four years as a traffic officer, working with Sir Vic Morales (One of the pillars of radio in the Philippines) I’ve come to know a lot of fabulous and beautiful artists of the old world as our programming is all about beautiful music from the past… well anyway, during those times when all my Romeos abandoned me she is always my background music, It feels like I’m in a heartbreaking movie. Unrequited love and untold love stories are more fabulous when Nina Simone’s wails are the soundtrack. Her live rendition at Montruex Jazz Festival during 1976 of “Feelings” is heart-wrenching though funny because she kept on forgetting the lyrics but she managed to get away from it because she plays the piano flawlessly. Her rendition of Frank Sinatra’s “My Way” is oh so lovely, lonely but classy too… Songs like “Turn me on, For a while, The Other Woman, Ain’t got no/ I got life, Mr. Bojangles and Do what you gotta do” are among my favorites. When you want to drain all you negative feelings and your bleeding heart, then listen to Nina Simone… God bless her soul, she died on 2003.

I started listening to alternative music since I join the activist world as an effigy artist which I literally called street art… and that is during my rebellious days when am still lost, aggressive and trying to fit in. Anyway among my favorites during that time are “The Smiths, The Plan, and Belle and Sebastian” and still are. I fell in love with “The Smiths” when “Agee” a punk friend of mine give me a copy of their first album, the fiercely intellectual lyrics of the Smiths don’t matter to me that time because I only like the melody, but now I can relate to them specially that song “Please, please, let me get what I want”… The Smiths releases their first album on year 1984 and I get to know them during the late 90’s… God talking about age? Among my favorites “Death of a Disco Dancer and Heaven knows am miserable now".

Belle and Sebastian’s album “Push barman to open old wounds” is very nice specially “Beautiful, Jonathan David, I love my car and Century of fakers”. The melody of their music is so friendly and warm despite the heavy, articulate and very sharp lyrics. I love the way they incorporate trumpets with other instruments in their music. It’s just so homey and cozy… I love it… I love it… I love it…

Among the alternative pop rock I love are Natalie Merchant, Rilo Kiley and Shirley Manson. Natalie Merchant comes a long, long, way since she left her band 10,000 maniacs on 1993. Albums like “Tigerlily” and “Ophelia” are among my favorites. Her music is very expiremental and poetic which is very evident in her album “Motherland”.

The ever rebellious Rilo Kiley makes you think deeply if you listen to her, Songs like “Picture of success”, “Always” and “Don’t deconstruct” were my favorite from her album “Take-offs and Landings”. Her music resonates some of “Belle and Sebastian’s” melody and tune but more playful.

And then there’s Shirley Manson whom a long time ago I thought was the daughter of Marilyn Manson, the fact that their names have both L and Y with it… Shirley is the lead singer from the band “Garbage” before they went hiatus on 2006; I rediscovered them again a week ago when I tried to compiled all the music in my computer. Then I began to hear that familiar voice of “Stupid Girl”, “Milk”, “Why do you love me?” and “Special”. I love the video of “Special” where she played Queen Astarte defending her empire. The video is quite detached from the song she’s singing. I love everything about it from her furred tangerine vest and black charol mini skirt while flying a space fighter reminiscent of Voltes V air escapades… Love it… love it… love it… Garbage music is so edgy, intelligent and honest. If you remember her video of “The world is not enough” the soundtrack from that movie, It was so beautiful when two Shirley’s meet each other; One is the android terrorist Shirley who killed the real diva Shirley and continue to perform the concert with a ticking bomb inside her android body and the video ends in explosion. In her last video “Tell me where it hurts” from the album “Absolute Garbage” she is so stunning from her make-up to that dominatrix outfit… she’s a bitch and I love it so much that I listen to that same song over and over again… its sounds pervertly sexy and lonely.

Okay with mainstream pop there’s of course the mother Madonna the all time gay icon, then Kylie Minogue the old time gay icon, Mariah the all time transgendered icon, I also like crazy Macy Gray love her in Spiderman even if it’s just a cameo and then there’s the lonely voice of Eva Cassidy who died of cancer long before her songs became popular. As for the locals I always love Ogie Alcasid with his modern “kundiman” renditions of his songs and compositions, Yeah Eheads as like everyone else, Cinderella is timelessly fun and easy to listen, Some of Regine’s song I don’t like it when she starts to hit the high note sometimes it gets irritating and difficult to listen but nevertheless she’s good. And for the new artist I love “Adele”, “Nosettes”, “The Ting Tings” who sounds so 80’s, “Lenka” and of course Susan Boyle…

How to listen to Garbage (music)

Listen to the melody… Music is like a living organism to me, the melody is the soul and the lyric is the physical aspect. Without the melody the lyrics is just an essay. Melody can exist on its own you can listen to it without the lyrics. These is very evident in the law of Multiplex and Minus One where we only hear the melody… like Instrumental as well, if you remember Richard Clayderman, His “Ballade pour Adeline” which is the main theme for “Lovingly Yours” hosted by the late Helen Bela.

Understand the lyrics… Here the law of Videoke applies, there’s no need in explaining it’s very clear how we become so agitated if the lyrics is gone. Lyric is really a poem mostly about unrequited love… that is why I love listening to alternative music because they not only write about love, they also write about moral and social relevant issues.

Appreciate the interpretation… yeah after you listen to Regine for an hour you’ll understand what I mean.

Try to identify… the different kind of instruments that are used in this way you can appreciate the music better. You remember when in highschool and we have that stupid dance demonstration during fiesta where in the teacher in charge would always tell us to wait for the second drumbeat after the intro of music, and I hate it so much because I cannot identify what drumbeat is that… yeah talking about highschool. Anyway I always like it if they incorporate trumpets with music it’s so grand.

Well… well… well… the bell rings already... That’s it for today… I forgot to make an exam for all of you… Have a nice weekend mah darhlings… mwah… mwah… mwah...

HOW TO BE HAPPY

Well… well… well… There you are my lovely cult followers, groupie and almost famous expectators of mine. The world today is beautiful as I said to myself when I woke up this morning and changed my mind quickly when I found out that “Marla” my coffee maker is broken. But I still managed to have something despites Marla’s incapacity to make it for me… sigh… poor coffee maker… anyway I have Van Houten’s soluble, pure and fine hot chocolate instead. I normally used it for my champorado during rainy days with dried fish on the side… Hmmm… talking about champorado, I’m missing it.

Well, anyways… I’m so glad that I moved already to my new table outside the creative big room, I moved out to the creative extension room because I like the lightning there, good when I’m visualizing something. There’s really something with spatial sense among the creatives. Some like it quite, others like it chaotic and others like me, I like it with loud music… whatevah it’s not our topic for today.

Happiness is relative whatever is that means to you. Happiness or Eudaimonia to the ancient greek which literally means “good guardian spirit” but in the modern times it means human flourishing or having a good life. In religious views specially in Buddhist teachings it refer to the ultimate freedom from suffering which then eventually leads to “nirvana”, and these is why am writing about happiness --- the nirvana thing… And by the way there is a very interesting site about happiness try answering the Oxford Happiness Questionnaire at MeaningandHappiness.com

In my years of wandering looking for happiness here in the lovely Kingdom of Cambodia I never thought that happiness can be eaten… yeah literally. I’m talking about “Happy Pizza”, I’ve known it a long time ago this kind of food that will bring you to Nirvana but never had a chance to try it. But that changed last Friday night, like you know you just received your salary and paid all your bills and debt from everyone; and you feel like going to have a beer or two… gush I still feel like am a “yuppie the lucky”. Anyways… Mr. Roderick, Mr. Roland, Ms. Consuelo, Ms. Grace, Ms. Deborah and Me went to have dinner at Pink Elephant restaurant where they are famous for their nirvanic happy pizza, it’s located facing the Tonle Sap and beside Pacharan which is near the Royal Palace.

The dinner started with some appetizers like fresh fried vegetable spring roll which looks like “turon” but god it taste good, after that we have shrimp flambé and other beautiful stuff that you can stuff in your mouth. I have beer and more beer before we ordered the Cannabis pizza. Happy pizza looks like normal pizza but the veggies they used are real fresh marijuana and except for peppers they sprinkled it with dried and crushed chongki, jutes or maryjane seeds including some grounded stems… isn’t it nice. Hehehehe… Mr. Roderick likes it so much he ate almost five as in five slices of that heavenly pizza. Then 30 minutes come and he feels numb… Ms. Grace felt the same too… me too… Ms. Devorah became more playful and Ms. Consuelo looks happy.

We went home in slow motion… but me and Mr. Roland drop by first at a massage, there’s something with cannabis that heightens your senses specially the touches and whatever, It must be the cannabis component “tetrahydrocannabinol” or THC which makes you feel relax and enlightened. The massage is very good in fact I ended up with my masseur who looks like Jake Cuenca when under the influence of Ganja, his skin feels so soft on my skin and his brown bunny looks like a snake on my pale skin. Huh!!! Fast-forward after the massage, Me and Mr. Roland compared notes with our masseur when all my other Diva friends arrived. So we went home immediately.

The next day Mr. Roderick told us about his experience, he felt he was in a matrix movie, everything is in slow motion that when he parted the shower curtain it seems he is captured with a camera frame by frame. And Ms. Grace felt she is being followed by something or someone the moment she arrived in her apartment even when she’s already at home she felt someone is looking at her… paranoia ang trip nang bakla… hahahaha… and of course Me I just slept after the sex trip hahahaha… I am so very flower people so hippy… let’s make love not war in the truest and honest sense of it. As for Ms. Deborah and Ms. Consuelo I don’t know what happened to them seems they are satisfied and happy. The experience looks like a scene from some of Carlos Castaneda’s writings.

Cannabis or commonly called marijuana has been consumed since the 3rd millennium BC. And it’s always associated with religion and rituals hence it’s very popular among the ancient Hindu, Buddhist and Mesoamerican rituals and they called it the sacred intoxication. Now that’s what I’m telling you that cultures and civilization sometimes were born according to the drugs people take during that time… hehehe… just an opinion.

Well anyway… let’s go back to my teachings on how to be happy. Again happiness is relative whoever your relative is. Again bring out your pens and notebook and copy everything from the board.

How to be happy

Get a Job… or make money, as oppose to what wizen elders said that money cannot buy happiness. That is not so true, in the world today where everything is equivalent to money. Money still can buy happiness but not all happiness… as what the ancient Greeks said it’s all about living a good life. Life in modern times is very expensive and to have a good life you have at least small money to live for basic happiness. My childhood was not rich nor poor yet I am happy; but as I grew older and everything is getting expensive… living also gets expensive. And you learn to get contented with what you have but still you wish for more. Life is beautiful when you are free but the bills are keep coming. Now tell me if you don’t want money.

Pay all your debts… Its sad when you look behind your back and people you owe is hounding you. I can relate to this as I am paying a slightly big amount every month for the land I am buying so I sometimes have my low months. I always get by with some helps from my friends but I have to give it back too… nothing comes for free in these lifetime. Paying debts makes you feel liberated. And liberation means happiness.

Forget the people who don’t matter to you… As you go in your lifetime we met a lot of friends and people, but as you grew older, you start to see who are the people that really matter to you. It’s like having an excess baggage when you take your flight and realize that the excess baggage your carrying is not really that worth it and yet you paid for it.

Mind your own business… other people’s business is not yours, it will make you unhappy in the end… I personally experienced this. Even if your intentions are noble in helping someone you will end up as the asshole so better distance from other peoples business.

Indulge in guilty pleasure… sometimes going out of your way makes the difference. Let your hair down sometimes… run barefooted under a storm or get skinny dipping under the moon… enjoy life in its primeval essence.

Be Positive… being positive attracts good oppurtunities and luck. Have you noticed some people who have positive aura attracts people in a bar, in a food stall, they always gather to where positive people are.

Ok that’s it you little dummies…

Oh… sha... sha… sha… Gabor na!!! Finish or not finish, pass your paper. See you in our next lesson… prepare for a quiz next week. Mwah!!!