Tuesday, September 15, 2009

HOW TO STRIKE A POSE






Well… well… well… there you are my beautiful, pretty, gregarious, loving and cute pupils of mine I hope you still remember me… well welcome back to me. My apologies little devels, I been away for a while to find myself in the desert but I didn’t found it, instead I found L-O-V-E... Gush I’m blushing. But that’s not our topic for today we’ll just talk about that sometimes in the future. Anyway how’s my darling pupils. I miss everyone and I’m hoping you missed me too… I gain weight like 35 grams hmmmm correction not kilo.

The past month had been so awful for me, I am ambidextrous (yeah I made the spelling right… whatever!) for weeks working like hell; even my Saturdays and Sundays were consummated by the office that feeds me, aside the fact that I needed to constantly check on my facebook for reasons I don’t know…(Must be the gossips.) For a month I made like 25 storyboards and photoboards for different clients and to please our new award winning creative director who I think is very good and nice but kinda crazy with his perfectionism… come hell or high water my world is changing... changing… and changing… I barely have time to write in this famous blog of mine. I like my new boss and hate his extremeness. I can see myself in him when I’m going old.

Some months really last longer than others, this month might be the same. I miss writing my craziness in this crazy world. I like to work hard and I like hard work but I felt trapped lately in a pattern of busyness. Even my horoscope ask me if I’m happy with what I’m doing, it even ask me if I still feel a thing? Huh… how daring that thing told me as if it’s my conscience. Lately I’ve been talking to God and he told me to LISTEN… its’ his turn to say something to me… He said that I always complain and ask him a lot of things but don’t bother to listen to him… and wondered what’s he’s going to say to me anyway… well anyway I remain silent in hope that I might hear him when I take my ride to the office. In short, I’ve been behave recently except for some occasional outburst when the people in the office gather and harvest their farms in facebook, it’s making the internet traffic slow and I cannot download pictures I needed for a design I’m making. I go around and make yawyaw all over the office about that online farming where they wasted their time instead of doing it in real life, which by the way makes me excited the fact that I’m almost finished paying the land that I’m installing… I can’t wait to have my real Farmville. Well… the boss heard my plea and passed an announcement around the office to stop doing that online game…. And they stopped; for a day I guess.

Anyways, Miss Frida is like an alarm clock ticking for the past week, He’s going for a month long vacation to our beloved Philippines. I’m happy for him I hope he’s happy for me too. The Filipino mafia decided to throw him a send off thing. So we perfectly planned an al fresco breakfast at “Open Wine” behind the Royal Palace last Saturday in which I came late. The Saturday that was, is ultra beautiful as in fucking beautiful. We started the day with so much bread. The bagel is good it’s not hard as it used to be and the toasted white bread is perfect with the strawberry jam that looks like “bagoong” but tasted like heaven (I always love strawberry jam next to peanut butter). Then comes the egg omelet and the bacon which is kinda good but I always love the processed bacon it’s tastier because of the thing we called monosodium glutamate or “vetsiness”. The coffee is very strong and bitter… I think it’s the blackest coffee there is in the whole wide world ever, it took me 6 sugar cubes to make it sweet. Then comes the big hornet that hovers on our breakfast and I advised everyone not to panicked and just be still. True enough the hornet hovers over Miss Grace’s plate and picks up a crumb of egg omelet and fly away and come back for more when we paid our bills. Honestly the breakfast is not that perfect but of course it was fun. Maybe it’s 5 out of 10 in my score board.

Then we went to Mother Helen to buy our usual weekend market, I don’t remember but I think a bought a lot of stuff. Its good thing Mr. Kino was there he brought the stuff home for me… what a sweet man he is… sigh. Miss Earth, Miss Deborah and me accompanied Miss Frida to the Russian Market to buy stuff he needed to bring for his friends and family back home. Thanks god for Russian market, we went to a scarve’s shop and shopped to death virtually everything. The scarves are beautiful, different colors, textures and colors… colors… colors… everything is so beautiful… so gay... I love it… and the bags yeah… the bags. All the beautiful stuffs made Miss Frida’s wallet green. Then we moved to another stall where they sell statues and bust of Buddha and stuffs. Surprisingly Miss Earth suddenly decided to buy a medium sized Buddha which is quite heavy and two busts as an early Christmas gift she planned to give to someone.

It took us almost an hour just by that area before we decided to take a juice break at Cambodia’s best orange juice ever. Amazingly it’s real, the juice is very good. Then we continued the shopping as Miss Frida proceeded to buy stuff for men but I declined to choose for him as I might buy stuff that I would regret later on… in short I don’t have cash. Instead I went to the sunglasses area with Miss Deborah and I bought two fabulous sunglasses to appease my insatiable cravings for beautiful things. I have a very butch Nike copper slit dragonfly sunglasses and a cheap pink tinted glass with black frame sunglasses which I planned wearing to annoy everyone in the office. Miss Deborah also bought some and a pair of pants I think and that’s it we went home to rest for the big night coming that evening.

I went home and slept for an hour after I chatted with Mr. Kino. I woke up like 3:30 pm and decided to make a spring roll… I’m not that very energetic you know, don’t you think? So I chopped and cooked and wrapped everything in pastry wrapper to make a spring roll but I get tired suddenly knowing that I should be in my best form for the big night that’s ticking in 2 hours. Luckily the sweet Mr. Kino helped me; in the beginning he does not know how to wrap a spring roll. The first one he made is fucking ugly it looks very different from my nicely wrapped rolls. Like a scene from a movie I taught him how to wrap the spring rolls which astonishingly he learned fast. So I leave him there as I planned what to wear for the night… and I found my all-time favorite grey skimpy shorts and a black v-cut t-shirt with three decorative searchlight buttons. And that’s it --- one more cigarette and I’m off to the bathroom. I smell like spring rolls.

I was on my way to take a shower when my mobile phone vibrated before it alarms notifying me of an incoming message. “See you at Parkway third floor 8:00 pm and don’t forget to bring socks.” It was from Miss Frida. It took me an hour preparing as I donned myself in that 80’s garb reminiscent of Jaworski’s short shorts era. I brought with me my classic jeans tote bag to put on my socks and a boxful of freshly cooked spring rolls that Mr. Kino sweetly packed for me and off I go. I arrived at Parkway exactly 8:00 pm and hopped into the lift and pushed on the third floor button only to find that the third floor of the building is offices and there was an old guard who look at me strangely, afraid I went back to the elevator and pushed the button to ground floor and went to the back area of the building and found the stairs and climb till the third floor--- there I found the big entrance of “Bowling Alley”. Yeheey were going bowling.

Everyone is there and we played the night away till 11:00 in the evening. It was fucking hilarious and fun as in F-U-N fun. I love it. I made three strikes and scored high on the first game, of course it’s all about me. I remember my days on The Library Foundation when all the homosexuals strutted their stuff on the bowling alley and strike a pose every time one makes a strike or something. Bowling is Fun. Miss Frida plays good and posed perfectly as well. Miss Earth is also good but didn’t make much because her nails are freshly manicured. Mr. Magno is very good and trying hard. Miss Grace always followed the arrows and manages to hit a couple of strikes. Miss Arwen is so fragile like a rabbit and of course Miss Deborah is perfect with his split every time he makes a hit. The night went too fast when everyone is having fun and that’s how we ended our Saturday happily.

And with that my beautiful pupils I’m going to teach you how to bowl and strike a pose.
Okay butchers (pa-men na badette) and macho gays at the back get your pen and paper and copy everything from the board.

How to strike a pose

Of course, before you can do that one has to have a ball - a bowling ball and a bowling alley. Also you need powder to help you keep a ball and of course a pair of beautiful bowling shoes with socks.

Observe… of course you don’t want to look like a first timer, nobody likes a virgin nowadays. When you sit by the bowling alley observe the other bowlers as they do their thing and don’t get nervous or intimidated if they play well, they all started with shit as well.

Notice… Now notice where the balls come out, that’s where you get the balls. Then look at the center that’s where you pose and throw the ball but don’t cross on the line that leads to the alley it’s the “foul line”, if you cross that line you won’t get points. Now notice that arrow like thing or sometimes it’s a round dark markings on the floor in the alleyway, that’s where you supposedly aim the ball when you need to hit some sparse pins. Now look further and you will see your aim --- the white standing pins that look like white penguins.

Choose… Choose or pick up the ball according to the weight you can carry. 14 lbs is the weight for beginners which everyone can carry well. Then as you progress you can pick the heavier ones like the 15 lbs to 16 lbs… No not that balls faggots at the back. There are three holes in the ball now figure out how to put your fingers. Its basic you know dummies.

Compose… Okay here’s the part I love, Compose yourself and try to be calm, don’t mind the people looking at you. Just be calm and take a deep breath as you hold that ball… like you know “when you hold the real thing”… Try making it three deep breaths, relax and concentrate. And never ever let the ball fall on your feet… there’s a thing we called injury… ouch.

Step… now take your first step. Use your left foot when you first step towards the alley, even if you are left handed or right handed always start using your left foot. Starting with the right foot has high probability to throw you off balance. I’m sure that faggots at the back know how to do it even in stiletto.

Let Go… Now as you continue to go forward, try to keep your shoulders parallel to the foul line. Swing the ball back and then forward perpendicular to the foul line and let go – release the ball. Look!!! You missed it… the ball is traversing the canal… that’s okay you’re just a beginner anyway.

Pose… No matter what, just try to make the most beautiful pose you can possibly do and make anyway in the end it’s all about F-U-N fun.

Now that you just let go of the first ball, don’t be angry if the ball drops in the canal chances are you’re never going to get a good amount of pins the next time you throw the ball if you are agitated. Practice is the answer to that; it takes four months of practice to make your strikes perfect and your poses are ultra perfect by then.

Okay that’s it my little devels… Now go and get your most fabulous shoes ever and strike a pose.

God teaching is such a noble work and I’m ultra fucking beautiful sigh.

2 comments:

fuchsiaboy said...

mare, mas mainam pa din if naka-lacroix or chanel gown ka habang nagbo-bowling. ika nga, 'haute couture is for everyday!' chos!

servet said...

hello